Like most chaps I'm not fussed about shopping but I love the shops here, some things are very different and in an idle moment whilst in Wal-Mart I wandered off on my own and amused myself amongst the aisles. The ‘leisure’ section has loads of huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’ stuff and all manner of kit for outdoor activities – you can even buy a shotgun and some real cruel looking crossbow bolts/arrows ‘ideal for silently stalking/hunting/killing deer’ – if that’s what floats your boat - and this place is our equivalent of our Asda !!.
The contest on who can make the biggest barbecue is closely run between the Aussies and the Americans, and the Americans have plenty here, but I was particularly drawn to a smaller barbecue that Wal-Mart advertised as a ‘Tailgate Barbecue’. This is similar to those disposable aluminium foil ones we have at home but these had three 4” legs made from a light alloy, the idea is that you open the tailgate of your vehicle (pronounced veee – hickle) and place the barbecue on the tailgate while you cook the animal you just killed.
This barbecue is made in China but judging by the instructions on the box it is imported solely for the American market. The US Federal Government approved ‘elf an Safety’ warning reads ‘WARNING barbecue coals may get hot when lit’ . . . . no shit Sherlock - I thought to myself, the tailgate on a car is at the back, and so is the gas tank, I had this vision of Billy-Bob Redneck in Hicksville roasting a haunch of venison on his Chinese made Wal-Mart Tailgate BBQ - and setting fire to his truck.
Nevertheless I thought this was a good bit of kit in sensible hands but I had serious doubts that the insurance from Dollar Rent a Car would allow me to put one in the back of the Dodge so I passed on that, besides we were not planning to go hunting Moose and we had a new microwave in the apartment anyway.
I strayed across to the Pharmacy aisle and an elderly couple quickly put a box back on the shelf that they had been looking at and shuffled away. Force of habit (being professionally nosey in my past life), meant I was interested in what they were looking at - and I couldn’t believe it . . . . . it was a Wal-Mart DIY Enema kit, on special, buy two for $4 and save 29 cents.
I thought this was an interesting bit of kit but wondered why anyone would want to buy two, its made of plastic so why can’t you give it a spin in the dishwasher and reuse it . . . anyway if your colon was such a state as to need two shots, would you be bothered about saving 29 cents. I showed Theresa and she said I was sick and she wouldn’t let me buy one (or two).
God Bless America.
I wandered off again but was soon beckoned to the check-out to bag up the shopping, amongst the load was a box of eggs, nothing unusual there, but it appears these were 18 very special eggs. This is true, and I have photographic evidence to support this, the egg box says that these eggs are from ‘VEGETARIAN FED HENS’.
Now I scratched my arse and thought about that and, although I have no experience in the field of battery farming and chickens and the like, I don’t remember ever having heard of chickens being fed on anything other than corn and seeds, not in England anyway, and I thought that corn and seeds were vegetarian ??.
My over active imagination took me to a chicken farm somewhere in America where carnivorous hens are fed on pork chops, or of course, depending how you read the label, maybe it’s the people who actually fed the chickens who were the vegetarians, but if that’s the case . . . so what - I’ll have to talk this over with a vegetarian and the Egg Lady in Swanley Market when I get home - and let you know. If anyone can help me out here please do - I’m starting to think I need to do something more productive with my time.
The Sun’s out . . .
Having finally got into the sun, we met a young Scottish couple round the pool the other day, nice people, super fit marathon runners, they told us a serious tale of their 6 month old son who last week developed a mild chest infection.
Mum was obviously concerned and so took him to the doctor, the doctor said he didn’t see patients under 16 tears old and referred them to a specialist paediatrician, you could argue that was sensible in the circumstances; but then the paediatrician said he didn’t see children under 4 years old (??), so they were packed off to the Hospital. After being bounced around ER for a few hours they were given some steroid medication for the lad - and presented with a bill for $1600 – ouch . . . .
If ever there was a serious advert for medical insurance in America this was it and thankfully they were covered by their holiday insurance, but on a lighter note, I cast my mind back to that elderly couple in Wal-Mart and I now appreciate why some people resort to DIY jobs !! . . .
Last one today . . . . we had a curry the other night, US style – the restaurant was in a new shop front with flashing neon signs, the pastel pink interior desperately needed that flock wallpaper that they all have at home, it had the ambiance of a mortuary with its plastic tablecloths, cast iron furniture and heavy chunky wine glasses. My Lamb Rogan Josh was cubed lamb covered with a dark brown spicy gravy - I’m not complaining it didn’t taste that bad and I was gagging for a ruby anyway, but wasn’t the same as at home especially, when the waiter was a white American High School student.
Theresa didn’t finish all of her meal and we were offered a doggy bag (we never asked for one so I suspect they have mates in the Shaad in Swanley who told them we were coming); at home, as some of you may know, they take the plates away, pack your leftovers nicely in a box with a piece of fresh lemon and discretely present it to you at your table in a plain brown paper carrier bag. Not here, they brought us the check (bill) and at the same time left a polystyrene box (like you get a Big Mac in) and a plastic bag on the table – as if to say ‘sort it yourself’ . . . . and don’t you dare forget my 15% tip on your $60 dollar bill.
I love this place. . . . . must go I think the neighbours are about to turn their WiFi off again - stay tuned – hope the house is still intact and me cars still on the drive . .
God bless America . . .
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